I have been spending a lot of time, over the past several days, remembering a blog I posted almost two and a half years ago. Here are some of the key excerpts.
"'How many times can you snap your fingers at one time? These are the important questions, Nicole...' You told me that once, grabbing my knees and leaning in, quite emphatically. Rather than thinking you were completely strange, I tried it. I can really only snap twice - ring finger and then middle finger."
It's amazing how long I can find myself clinging to something that never was, and had no chance of being. Recalling the total of maybe 24 hours we spent together over a year long period. Not that I'm sad or anything. I am genuinely happy for him, but it just feels weird. Weird that I construct such intense plans and expectations and how quickly I can fall. In both good and less good ways.
Given everything I've gone through over the past few months, I'm pleasantly surprised that I am not more reactive to this. Now I'm just sitting here staring at this page with nothing more to say on the subject, and thinking about a manuscript I have to revise.
Maybe that's a sign I have closure. It feels okay overall... except for the whole thinking about work part.
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